Sarah (chippish) wrote in not_so_crazy,

Sometimes I feel like I just don't belong anywhere. Things have gotten so complicated now. Last year was so simple compared to now. Me and my friends would just sit around the huge lunch table and talk about random things that didn't make sense to anyone other than us. We all got along fine, well except for one in particular, but it was nothing compared to now. This year some of those people are gone, new ones have come and have made me feel worse, and relationships exist where they didn't before. Everyone is so innertanged to each other it isn't even funny anymore nor is it even surprising. Maybe that's the drama of highschool but I'm fucking sick of it. I am a very innocent person. I even look it. I like to call my self innocent but not ignorant. I know things that happen. I am not stupid and I can foresee how things are going to turn out, and I am right quite a bit of the time. It surprises me just how right I can be. What really gets me is I can't even attach myself to anyone anymore. I feel like I'm faithless. Maybe not hopeless, but more than likely faithless. I can't believe in anything anymore. There no more universal truths where I am. Things change too much. I miss the older times, when things were knew and still confusing but where I still had something to aim for, to put myself through all the things I never thought I could get through. I've got none of that now. I seem to be the only one staying the same. Everyone is growing up and I can't. I'm immature. I know I'm immature. I am so in more than one way. I can't manage what I'm supposed to do, I forget things I shouldn't be on a daily basis, I can't maintain relationships, I'm breaking down, and I think I'm just creating it out of thin air. I don't know what to do. I'm going to have a breakdown and I won't be able to point out the cause. What am I supposed to do anymore? I have no goals. I don't know what I'm doing with my life. I can't believe in anything other than myself, and that isn't good enough. Has all innocence been lost? I wish I had something to look up to. Something. Anything. I feel dead on the inside.
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